Tag Archives: life

Goodbye, 20s

Tonight is my final night of being 29. I’m heading into my 30s with a joyful son, a handsome husband, a clean house, a belly full of cucumber sandwiches and sticky toffee pudding from a cute high tea service in celebration of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding–okay, I know that’s ridiculous, there’s a lot of cruddy stuff in this world, why not celebrate the bright spots? In a lot of ways I’m terrified, but in other ways I’m excited… I’m definitely in better shape than Nick Carraway on his disastrous 30th birthday, when he believed “before [him] stretched the portentous, menacing road of a new decade.”

I’d wanted to be–believed I could be–published before I hit 30. But that’s okay. I haven’t given up. I’ve still been writing, exploring my ideas, figuring out my revision style. And as a present to myself, I enrolled in a 10-week writing course (DIY MFA 101); I figure the cost, community, and commitment will help motivate me to get one of my manuscripts all the way finished. It begins tomorrow and will stretch through my entire summer (ah, the joy of being so close to the end of the school year… all my hope is returning… haha). So hopefully I’ll have more REAL news to share in this blog on a more regular basis.

On another note, I really miss the li.st app and how much it motivated me to write regularly. I was enjoying honing my humor skills there. I think I might practice more lists here, even if they don’t fit the usual tone.

Also, what’s with the rush of exclusively outlook.com email addresses following this blog recently? Are you all spam? Are you real? Hello? Kinda weird.

Three more hours until my birthday… in the past 10 years I lived in Oxford, met my best friend, graduated college, fell in love with Jeff, got married, got Benny Dog, purchased and practiced with my Canon, earned my teaching credential and Masters in Education, found a full-time teaching job, wrote a lot, read a lot, hiked a lot, bought a condo, had my perfect baby Sam, sold a condo, gained a random passionate hobby in baking donuts… and those are just the highlights! Thanks for all the good times, 20s.

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Goodbye, 28. 

Goodbye, 28. You were a good year. I spent 9 months of you pregnant (and therefore 9 months of you with no wine!). I only had to teach for about 7 months of you. And the last 3 months, spent birthing and raising Sam, have been some of my favorite months of my life–though also the hardest. I really really really miss sleep. Birthdays become kind of bittersweet as we age… it’s not solely a celebration of life, but also an awareness of life’s brevity. Did I accomplish enough this year? Did I grow at all as a person (and not just in my uterus)? Are there happier years to come? So many unknowns. Lots of hopes and regrets and dreams. I hope 29 is full of joy and achievements and peace. My grandpa says 29 is the last birthday I’ll want to acknowledge… hopefully that’s not true, haha. I want all my years of experience to build up something good, for me to be a woman who has lived life well. 
I still have 2 minutes until midnight, but there goes my newborn, wailing for food. He wakes up zero to sixty when he’s hungry. I will cuddle him close and pray over year 29. Maybe it will finally be the year I solidify my writing and chase down that elusive publishing goal…

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Writing

Success: Sam actually sleeps a few hours each day! haha. So I’m still exhausted, but finding some time to read and to write (and eat and nap and maybe even take a hot shower once in a while).

Blogs are one of the many things I’ve been trying to catch up on–both writing my own and reading some of my favorites. I love to read blogs written by authors, about their writing process, upcoming projects, and the quirky details of their lives. Neil Gaiman is always a good go-to, and I find Kristin Cashore and Jane Lindskold’s fascinating, too.

But Laini Taylor and Sarah J. Maas have been the most inspirational to me lately.

Laini Taylor has a blog post where she writes about her editing process: that she’s never been good at the fast, NaNoWriMo-style drafts and instead writes slowly, trying her best to get it right the first time.

Sarah J. Maas’ was not actually a blog post, I’m just remembering. My taking-care-of-a-newborn brain is always scattered. She recently gave a talk through Facebook Live at her alma mater, Hamilton College, and discussed how she needs to write every day, needs to always be working on a project, because writing is like a muscle that needs exercise. If one gets out of the habit, the muscle atrophies enough to make it that much harder to jump back into an effective rhythm.  And I will take any advice she gives, because she is one of the most prolific writers I can think of, with spectacular fantasy books!

All that to say: I think I need to back away from my NaNoWriMo-style writing for a bit and see what that does for this draft. Write slowly, write the scenes in chronological order, making it feel right before moving on, and making the commitment to write every day.

Furthermore, I think I need to stop thinking in terms of numbers, of giving myself high-pressure stakes. It can make the process too intimidating. I’m not in a period of life where I need any additional pressure or intimidation; I have to keep an infant alive, and attempt to get food and sleep myself once in a while, and keep my house relatively clean and running, and somehow face the impending return to work and all of the responsibilities that teaching high school English involves. Writing needs to be one of my bright spots, and that means being something fun to look forward to.

So my current goal revolves around just… writing. Plain and simple. If I write something every day, then I’ve succeeded. Sometimes that will mean working on my novel, but even on the days like yesterday when I only fit in 300 words, that’s fine. That counts. Some days that means working on a blog draft (this one blog has stretched over two days, so even though I didn’t have two posts in a day, I did some writing both days!) and that counts too. I don’t know yet if I’m going to count journaling in here… but for now, let’s say yes, if I find time to write in my handwritten journal, that was better than nothing.

As far as novel writing/editing, I currently have a thorough outline, and “progress” now means slowly but surely checking off each bullet point (which is a scene, basically) as it’s written. I’m not going to keep track of my word count throughout. Too often, I think I hit a mental roadblock of thinking that I need to get to about 80,000 words to be marketable, and sometimes start to write filler scenes or blab on and on about unimportant details just to fill up space. Not good–and all stuff an editor would probably say to cut anyway, ruining the point of the word count. So I’m sticking to the outline and trying to make sure it’s all action-oriented and moving the story forward (of course). At the end, we’ll see what the word count is like… if it’s suffered, well, at least the story will be tight. A beta reader can help me figure out where things ACTUALLY need to be fleshed out.

I don’t know how much this post makes sense to people who are outside of my head (that’s most of you. haha) but it can serve as a reminder and promise to myself of my current writing goals. I’m excited! Some of this motivation has been helped along by Gabriela Pereira’s “DIY MFA,” which I’ve been reading in the times I can steal during Sam’s naps that aren’t devoted to writing or eating. I just found out that she’s doing two talks (and workshops) in southern California this week, and I can make it to the Tuesday one! Will try to report back… :)

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How Books Are Like Babies

My baby is here! Sam was born right on his due date, and is a happy, chill little guy… most of the time. Except that he hates sleeping yet fusses when he gets overtired, so it’s quite the battle for nap time every day. Motherhood is very exhausting, seeing as he eats every 2 to 3 hours around the clock, but it’s totally worth it.

I thought maybe I could get some writing done on my maternity leave, but I’ve been too exhausted to accomplish much. About 4 days ago, I decided I NEEDED to try to do some during the tiny pockets of time when I’m on my laptop. I’ve written a little bit 3 days in a row now! So that feels good. I’m extra desperate to make money as a writer because daycare is ridiculously expensive.

Anyway, in my sleepless (i.e. delirious) state, here are some silly ways I realized books are like babies:

  • Babies grow bit by bit every day, and it takes a while before you notice how much they’ve truly grown. Books can be the same: just keep writing bit by bit and suddenly you will notice how much you’ve actually written.
  • Babies are so dependent on their mom; she needs to take care of herself or else she won’t be able to provide properly for them (I write from experience here… every time I skip a meal or fail to drink enough water, Sam gets frustrated from my lack of milk). Similarly, if writers don’t take care of themselves–whether that’s taking the time to read good books, take walks to refresh their minds, consume something besides coffee, and so on–they will have nothing with which to fuel their writing.
  • Babies, being a combination of the genetic material of both mom and dad, look a little bit like both parents in some way. A book, coming from the brain of its writer, will incorporate his/her voice and the various influences and experiences of his/her life.
  • Both babies and books might cause screaming if dropped into a bath.
;) Happy writing!
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Remember when I was really good at blogging twice a week? I miss those days.

Time keeps flying! I had 4 different blog posts drafted in January and ran out of steam on all of them. Part of it is having to pay so much attention to politics right now–reading all the news and deciphering what the heck is going on in DC takes up a lot of time and energy (and is surely leading to stress that is not good for the baby).

Because yeah, this baby is due in like 3 weeks. WHAT. I can’t believe how quickly this time has gone by, or how lucky I have been. A lot of the pregnancy symptoms I expected to suffer through did not manifest, like heartburn and swollen ankles. It’s mostly been exhaustion, some carpal tunnel, and constant back pain/bladder pressure. There are some potential genetic health issues that we have to watch for, but there’s nothing we can check/do until he is actually here, so I have tried my best not to be overwhelmed with anxiety about it. (It’s difficult.)

Being pregnant is pretty magical when you aren’t overly sick. I first felt the baby’s movements while Jeff and I were eating at La Tolteca, our favorite little Mexican restaurant by our old college, so that felt special, haha. His kicks seem to have personality–like, he kicks when I haven’t eaten recently enough and he’s getting hungry, and he kicks whenever the Avett Brothers come on my Pandora or music shuffle (not sure if that means he loves them or hates them, but we’ll hope it’s love, since I think they’re awesome), and he freezes his kicks when it’s Daddy’s hand instead of mine. Stinker. I had also heard that when babies get hiccups you can feel them because of the shaky little rhythm. That’s what I woke up to on New Year’s Day! (And no, I did not drink champagne and get him drunk, haha. We subbed in ginger ale, so maybe that had enough bubbles to get him hiccuping.) He’s had hiccups just about once per day since then.

I’m really curious to see what he looks like, and really anxious now that it’s officially February… his due date month… when I can’t be in denial anymore. He has to come out! Eek! I hope that all goes well and I’m surrounded by skilled nurses and doctors. So much can go wrong for either of us, and I can’t imagine the devastation some families go through when they were instead expecting joy and celebration. Sigh. It’s all in God’s hands…

On the writing side of life, my NaNoWriMo 2016 project went well, and I am pleased with it… but also not certain if, even after extensive revision, it would really have an audience. A fantasy-style Jungle Book: is it for kids, YA, adults? I think I need to narrow my focus there before revisions will succeed. I also tried out a few different POV characters but I think one of them is getting chopped–it added words but not substance to the story. MAYBE my son will be a spectacular sleeper and I can finish the revision on my maternity leave! hahahahaha. Not likely. But I’ll keep my fingers crossed for that. :)

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What a world we live in, eh?

But stronger people than me have already written plenty of political posts, so I shall refrain. And pray hard. And keep teaching my students to be critical thinkers, able to call out logical fallacies, to fight for truth and justice, and to understand each other, even when they feel they cannot love each other.

I realize I haven’t updated in a while. That’s for two reasons: we’ll start with the negative.

– Work is insane. Please never think that teachers do what they do solely for a paycheck (it’s lousy) or for vacations (they don’t balance out the hours lost during grading, at least for English). It requires so much to truly and holistically help each student, and since I volunteer with clubs on top of that, I am getting physically and mentally drained. My students are so worth it, but… I may have to cut back soon. Because…

+ I’m pregnant! I’m turning food into a people! hahaha. My app says that today, 25 weeks, “baby is as big as a rutabaga and uterus is the size of a soccer ball.” Whoaaaaaa life-making is a weird game. :) My son is kicking me as we speak (that’s not true, because we aren’t speaking and I can’t predict when you’ll read this, so… “as I type”) and is due late February but will probably hang out until early March, since that’s when my parents are planning to go on vacation. He’s been a stinker so far so why wouldn’t he continue the pattern with his actual birth? P.S. birthing classes are pretty terrifying. Birth is terrifying. Humans ought to lay eggs. My mom had better not be on vacation when I need her in the hospital!

+ I’ve finally been writing again. I suck at revisions, and I haven’t been able to make myself sit down and do them when so many other work- and life-demands abound. But, I had an inspiration for a new novel–your only hint is that it hit me while I was watching the new “The Jungle Book” adaptation–so I’m chasing it. My favorite writing program, Scrivener, made an iOS app, so I can keep everything organized even when I’m away from my computer. I’ve continued the project into NaNoWriMo, which I didn’t think I would dare to do this year… but writing in “sprints” of 10 minutes when I can squeeze them in, and using my evening time better (a.k.a. not scrolling through social media) has proven effective in keeping my word count strong.

So… that’s my world right now. I’m also in the midst of reading a novel from an author I like, Jane Lindskold. I was wandering through the bookstore and was struck by inspiration to see what she’s written lately, since I sort of forgot about her after the series I loved (the wolf/Firekeeper one) ended. The only novel B&N had in stock from her was “Artemis Awakening,” whose description sounded a bit like Westworld but not quite so dark. It’s creative and even though I still have a few chapters to go, I recommend it. Next up will be Marissa Meyer’s new (and first post-Lunar-Chronicles) novel, “Heartless.” I’m excited for it! (Even if the protagonist will eventually become an antagonist and she shares my name and I don’t like villains taking my name…)

Oh ALSO P.S. I was Rey for Halloween and made my baby bump into BB-8. I want to wear my Rey outfit every day because 2016 is stupid so why not cosplay as a strong female Jedi warrior 24/7?!? I won’t, I won’t. I’m not that weird. But know that I THINK ABOUT IT.

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2016, really?

Well, 2016 has not been the happiest. I suppose stating “bring it on!” was an inappropriate challenge. Let’s recap the year so far, shall we?

  • We lost the great David Bowie (I’ve been listening to “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars” on repeat quite often);
  • We lost the great Alan Rickman (Jeff and I re-watched a few of his great movies in his honor, like “Galaxy Quest” and “Die Hard,” and I ran a memorial 5K as well);
  • I had an early miscarriage of a very wanted little baby;
  • I have been too stressed and exhausted with life and work (teaching) to accomplish any writing, even though I figured out a creative way to fix the ending of my Copper manuscript.

So I’ve been a little bit depressed, but luckily, have had a lot of time for reading. I’ve read:

  • Kiera Cass’ “The Siren,” her first book, which was cute but pretty dragging plot-wise (a.k.a. not much happened).
  • I tore through four different Liane Moriarty books–“Big Little Lies,” “What Alice Forgot,” “The Last Anniversary,” and “The Husband’s Secret”–and loved them all. She’s great at creating unique, believable characters and intertwining their story lines in fascinating ways.
  • Marissa Meyer released an extra short story collection “Stars Above” to wrap up her Lunar Chronicles series, and it was wonderful. I heard she’s also writing a graphic novel series that will fit in to the world, as well, which I’m excited for. I am curious about graphic novels because I think my Phoebe & Fred story would fit that format a lot better than the novel format that I’ve currently been trying to shove it in.
  • “Zeroes” by Chuck Wendig was very creative, though a little nerve-wracking since it deals with hacking, haha. I’m still convinced that hackers are going to ruin everyone.
  • and I’m pretty sure I’m missing some, but those are all the books coming to mind right now. I’m currently reading “These Vicious Masks,” which was pitched as “Jane Austen meets X-Men,” which is a marvelous combo.

So there. Lots going on, and yet also nothing. I hope the year looks up soon.

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