nasty hobbitses!

Sometimes fantasy books get made into movies, and then they still have a place in this blog. ;)
I finally saw “Hobbit 2” (okay, okay, “The Desolation of Smaug”)… and have thoughts. I shall organize them into pros and cons.

+ Good movie!
– Bad adaptation. At this point it’s almost fanfiction.
+ The movie sure is packed with exciting adventures
– that take way too long. So many orc fights! So much barrel rolling! So much traveling and walking and climbing! PETER JACKSON, PLEASE SUMMARIZE. I can teach you how. Seriously. (I honestly think the first two movies could have been reduced to one, with nothing really lost).
+ The dragon is awesome
– but takes forever to show up, especially considering that Smaug is part of the very title of the movie.
+ Benedict Cumberbatch (Smaug) and Martin Freeman (Bilbo) are the best parts of the movie; between this and “Sherlock,” they should go ahead and make some sort of blood oath to never do any projects without each other ever again.
– LEGOLAS. Something is wrong with your face.
+ Tauriel! A female with real speaking parts!
– …that get all lovey-dovey. Just let there be women existing and taking part in the story without reducing her to something for Kili to flirt with.
+ (Speaking of which, Fili & Kili are quite handsome)
– but orcs, giant spiders, and Radagast the Poophead are gross.
+ [Guys, I’m running out of pros and still have lots of cons to write]
– Of ALL THE DOG BREEDS in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, Jackson chose to have PUGS inhabit Middle Earth. Pugs. I can see a Saarloos Wolfhound in there, maybe, but not a tiny smashed-face dog. Come on.
– What was with the crazy video-game style barrel rides and minecraft carts? Are we in Donkey Kong Country? Peter Jackson, is this why you made “King Kong?” I’m on to you, sir.
– The ring lets Bilbo understand giant-spider-speech?? No it doesn’t. Stop it.
– Bilbo is supposed to undergo amazing character growth from a shy, anxious hobbit into a brave burglar. They’ve managed to skip all of that.
– Middle-of-a-trilogy syndrome. Lots happened, and yet also nothing.

That’s all I can think of for now. I enjoyed it overall, but this Hobbit trilogy definitely does not have the re-watchability  that “Lord of the Rings” does. There is so much power in the written word that can’t always translate to the silver screen. This is a story about Bilbo, and Jackson is trying to elevate it to a massive, orc-laden, LOTR-prequel that it… isn’t, in the end.
Good try though, sport.


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