No, this time of mourning is not like when Frisco the dog died. Some people will say it’s not legitimate, but for me, it hurts deeply and I’m choosing to grieve.
My beautiful, faithful, 2009 MacBook Pro is dead.
Two nights ago, it froze, and I waited a long time for it to unfreeze. When nothing happened, I thought a simple power off/power on would be a better decision.
It was not.
My computer is refusing to turn on.
My techie husband tried every trick he knew, and even refrained from getting snarky with me about choosing an Apple product (he is a 100% pro-PC and Android dude*). When the tricks he knew ran out, he turned to Google, and tried every trick that the Internet Population of Techies knew. That was a lot of tricks, and they all failed.
I thought I had my stuff backed up, but I just let my hard drive/MacBook run Time Machine, which the internet is now telling me was a bad idea and I have no idea if 4 years of writing, pictures, and lesson plans are lost forever or not. Yes, I cried, and maybe I should be ashamed, but I’m Really Freaking Sad, you guys.
My biggest disappointment right now, in the middle of Camp NaNoWriMo and waiting to hear back from an agent, is not having Scrivener. I found some typos in Copper Book One that need to be fixed, and I only have a Word Doc of that, so I can’t turn it back into an eBook without Scrivener. Also, the 7,000 words of progress I’d made on the rewrite/revision of Copper Book Two–most of them new words–are probably lost forever.I know that’s not a lot of words in the grand scheme of things, but they were words I was proud of, and I’ll never achieve that same combination again.
Now I have to use Google Docs on my phone, and that gets incredibly frustrating. Every time the internet cuts out, I can’t type anything, and I can’t find the “tools–word count” option on the phone app version. Whenever my husband isn’t home, I can use his laptop (he’s out with his brother right now, which is the only reason I’m able to manage this blog post), but his work gave their full-time employees a 4-day workweek for the summer. Normal wives would be ecstatic, but this writer wife who just lost her $1,000 laptop is a little frustrated because that’s one less day of access to the other house laptop.
I know I should be thankful that I have a laptop and a phone available (and yes, paper and pen too, though that has never been a prolific option for me), but I’m still depressed. It feels like back when I was a teenager, wanting a car. I had to get a job to get money for a car, but I needed a car to get to a job. Now, I’m trying to sell my writing, which would allow me to afford a new laptop, but I can’t effectively do my writing without a current laptop.
And if there’s one thing I’ve found, it’s that Other People don’t give a crap about my sorrow. I’ve heard lots of “first world problem” jokes (the easiest way to spot a total a-hole is see who drops that line a lot) and only barely kept my fist back from punching those dudes in the face. I wish my laptop was fixed or that I could afford to just jaunt out and purchase another one, but neither of those are current possibilities, and therefore my summer just got a whole lot more complicated.
So yes. I’m in mourning. I’m sorry if you don’t care either, dear readers, but I hope there’s a handful of you out there who understand my pain.
* Once upon a time I had a non-Apple laptop–a Dell Inspiron PC of some sort–and it died after 2 years, losing a metric ton of my schoolwork. We resurrected that and I got 2 more years out of it; however, a French security man on the Chunnel thought it was a bomb and I was detained, because it was a piece of junk and there were literally wires sticking out of it. In the 4 years of this MacBook’s life, it has never before died nor caused me to get yelled at by an angry Frenchman who thought I was trying to explode things. I’ll stick with Apple, thanks.